Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
