I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
