what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
