I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
