Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
