bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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