I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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