Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
