I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
