Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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