Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
