Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
