Do you still have your period?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
