don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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