It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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