As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
