hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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