we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
