I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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