Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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