you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
