why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
