But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
