I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
