Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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