If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
