he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
