the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
