Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
