so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
