I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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