but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
