All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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