Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
