I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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