I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
