what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
