I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Of course I have a pirate flag
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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