Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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