I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
