i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
