Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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