i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
