there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
