I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
