he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
