The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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