Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
