It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
