the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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