pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
