DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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