ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
