Sry I called you an 8
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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